Light green background: Reader comments | Blue background: My response
From: dukewell
I've read a few anti-Program stories, but yours are the most organised and comprehensive. You've made some mistakes that are easily noticed by a British person reading this story but not as many as, say, Tom Clancy who just didn't care. The one that provoked me to write this comment was citizenship. Jeremy isn't a British citizen, because his parents are American. Someone born in this country can only be a British citizen if one of their parents is British or at least has indefinite leave to remain in the country. Birthright citizenship is uncommon outside the American continent.
AH! Thanks for pointing out an element of the story that got left on the cutting room floor during early editing. Warren Porter's wife's family were British emigres to the US and she was a full UK citizen.
I guess I cut that part since it seemed not to much matter and kinda slowed the story's pace. Guess it mattered to an observant reader like you.
Thanks for the kind comments on my story.
From: S-Schot
[Posts comments after many chapters]
Chapter 1
... you've certainly met that goal of making the characters come to life in my mind. From the very first moment I started reading your stories I could really feel along with them. Like I said before, sometimes I would have made different choices. But that's because my character is different from them. Such is life, we're not all the same. And it doesn't make the story any less. And I think it's great that your stories don't follow the existing canon for NIS stories, it makes them stand out. Which actually makes them better.
...
Anyway, when I read how Amelia had suffered from FGM, I really felt for her. That's how powerful your stories are. I'm looking forward to reading how you'll give that shape in your stories, but as it's getting late that won't be today anymore. Tomorrow I'll be reading further.
Chapter 5
And this story just continues to be amazing, albeit in some aspects it might be a bit over the top.
Chapter 8
Wow, that was some action going on there. While the school attempted to keep the assembly non-violent, the program people totally ignored this and resolved to violence anyway. With all the expected negative results.
[Spoiler warning] I also like how Amelia and Jeremy found each other. I already had a suspicion that the blog Amelia was pointing at was Jeremy's but so far I couldn't be sure. But you just confirmed my suspicions. I can see a great story coming up here, they make a great couple. And somehow Hancock doesn't appear to be as bad as I thought he would be but maybe later on in the story, who knows. This is one of those stories which can go in any possible direction, and the direction in which it does go always turns out to be an unexpected one.
...
The story just keeps on being awesome, in that sense it's the best story so far. I can't wait to read more of it.
Chapter 11
I've lost count on how often I've said this, but your story just keeps on being amazing. I think it's one of the best program stories ever written.
Chapter 20
That was an amazing story to read.
...
I'll see which other awesome stories you got.
From: John B.
Bravo!
Your NiS stories are wonderful.
From: artv47
Who are you? I grew up and trained in the encounter group era! The exercises in the new program are brilliant. And the research you did in American law, international law, British law. Amazing.
And research methods... Boggling, Outstanding. What is your doctoral field?
Art the Old Guy on Long Island
Thanks very much for the ego inflation. My friends actually call me a "renaissance man" because of my wide-ranging interests. My field? Medical science/public health comes closest to what I'll admit to. I've done research in psychology, law (international too, for aspects of public health), medicine. Engineering. History. Religion. I love to read, and my reading is mostly non-fiction. I hope this answers your question.
You don't mention it, but I hope you read the earlier stories. They set the scene for the "Tom" story.
(Grew up on LI, btw. Was a member of the med school at Stony Brook for some years, when the hospital was being built and for a few years after all the construction was done.)
From: phelux
The best of the nis stories. Well researched with good (if somewhat unbelievable) characters. I thought the sex scenes went on too long. Shorter scenes in the story arc would work well.
From: filbert_1
Great story again. I'm sure someone has already told you that one is supposed to adress the Queen as "Ma'am"? Here's the horses mouth:
https://www.royal.uk/greeting-member-royal-family
I also think that an honorary knighthood would use KBE. Bill Gates would know! OBE is a separate, and lesser, award.
I took a bit of liberty with protocol since this is Jeremy's and Amelia's world--not to be confused with our own world. I used a bit of artistic license in constructing a slightly different world here. It's fiction, after all. I think I recall that one uses "Your Majesty" the first time and "Ma'am" subsequently in our world.
Thanks for the comments.
Oh--on the orders of knighthood. Kevin's was Knight Grand Cross of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire and Denise's was the equivalent female award. Amelia and Jeremy were given Dame/knight commander.
This is the precedence where GBE is the top knighthood:
1. GBE – Knight Grand Cross or Dame Grand Cross of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire
2. KBE or DBE – Knight Commander or Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire
OBE is #4 and is not a knight.
4. OBE – Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire
From: rescue25
Looking to reading more of the "superheros" experiences
From: Orblover
Wonderful! An amazing job tearing down the program. I learned to hate it as I was writing a story in the Universe. The empathy I had for my characters eventually forced me to stop. Now, I have a spark of an idea to save the story, rescue my characters (poor Luis has been stuck in the shower for years, where I stopped writing).
An amazing story, very well done. What is your background?
Many thanks for your praise; your NiS story is one of my favorites--very well written and full of great plot ideas. I hope you'll continue writing it. I know very well how you feel in having empathic sympathies for your characters. In fact that's precisely how I got into writing my three stories: empathic feelings for the characters in the dozens of NiS stories I read after I discovered the NiS universe. Thinking back to how body-shy and modest I was as a teen, and knowing karate very well (there were no "black belts" back when I learned it--but I used the self-taught Art to severely damage two high-school bullies who thought a skinny freshman kid would be an easy mark), I would have reacted just like my lead characters did, using martial arts in resisting being put in the Program, if the Program had been the reality back then, in the 1950s.
My background? Really complicated. I graduated college as an engineer but went into the medical sciences from there (biochemistry and neurosciences), then did a stint in the Army--teaching, actually, in a service school. Then university employment after grad school. I know law quite well since a lot of my family members are attorneys, and I read philosopy and history for fun. But when I found stories in the NiS universe the idea of forced sexual activities in schools horrified me and I stewed about how bad, on so many levels, such an idea would be for teens. Even though the stories are supposed to be erotic--and FICTION--I couldn't shake their wrongness. So I thought it would be fun to try to demolish the Program using all of the "tools" that our culture provides: laws, medical/psychological info, philosophical ideas, cultural/moral/religious customs, whatever, to show its wrongness and have my characters use those arguments to scuttle it. And it was fun writing, too.
If you're interested, I wrote more about this topic on my intro page of this ASSTR site, https://www.asstr.org/~Ndenyal.
Check it out if you want. Again, many thanks for your comments.